Monday, May 18, 2009


most. timely. post. evar.

'omega cop': this is what the box looks like.

uh, i didn't see 'omega cop.'

'omega cop': this is what the title screen looks like (pictured: omega cop).

i mean, is it my fucking fault that a) spinal tap picked a fucking sunday evening to come here for the first time ever (albeit without any wigs on and playing acoustic guitars and a bunch of songs from other fucking movies)? or that b) my sister totally got us free tickets 'cause she all like knows people and shit? one big fucking answer: no. but still i am sad i didn't see 'omega cop,' if only beacuse i really, really wanna see 'karate cop,' and that is th' goddam sequel.

well i'm sure someone will write about it. i can tell you one thing, tho': the 29 seconds i saw involved pretty much exclusively girls in short shirts running down a massive amount of stairs.

now, that very seriously looks like something you wanna watch like right fucking now, doesn't it? that's what i thought. and hey, it is that good. so y'got johnny travolta on th' mean streets o'the new york city, runnin' (ish) a club called (and i am stealing this first) aka...dump with his pal arye gross (as wendell!)(he was in 'just one of the guys' and 'soul man,' not just 'house II') when this dude bruce smith or something shows up (from russia) to ask them to open another awesome club (only in nebraska) only of course they don't know he's from russia 'cause he says he's from nebraska only here's the thing: they pretty much built some nebraska right there in the U.S.S.R., and he roofies 'em and flies 'em there. it takes a long time for them to get wise to this trick even though the nebraska there looks just like it's 1957 and everyone is pretty off except kelly preston but then again she "boogies" (yes she does, all over the place) with johnny so he's kinda blind anyhow there. well like i said it takes awhile but it's a good while to spend with these fellows and somehow they figure it out and that lands 'em in the joint and they're gonna get executed but then they say america is lame and then they don't and everyone goes all nutso and the rad flat-topped pilot saves th' day like three times and everyone ends up in america anyway but here's the twist, maybe they don't like real america, they can't hang in the big 1989 city so well why not let's just go all live in nebraska, happy ending right? ok. seriously all the awesome parts i am leaving out are totally worth the 65 cents it will take for you to buy this movie and the like better part of an hour and a half you will never want back because it is that good. but the main thing i want to say here is that steve fucking levitt is in this fucker, and he's drunk, and he's a burger boy, and i wish to HECK that he had a career longer than pretty much just this and 'blue movies' because man, he is the shit, and if at least he had made a few more eighties movies with weird russians like brian doyle murray in them then i would have something to fucking do with myself instead of all the other interesting things that i could well be doing all day other than wishing i had a copy of 'danger team.'

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